Epiphanies

Ever forget about who you really are? 

Of all the places where I could get an epiphany, I got mine on the jeepney ride home. It was 7 o'clock already; the stars had just come out as we climbed our heavy bodies on board a small jeep. I hanged both arms on the rail everybody shares in the middle; resting my weary head on the small duyan-duyan I made with my forearms and hands, watching my knees bounce as the small jeep drove through the small bumps and shakes everybody else goes through; watching the cars we pass by, lumbering through the city's quiet disposition, listening to everybody talk. 

I used to really love to listen. I enjoy hearing other people share thoughts about, well, just about anything under the sun. Whenever people would want somebody to talk to, I would just sit there and listen. Everybody seemed to really like to talk to me before, not because of my conversational skills (I have none), but I used to be that guy everybody seemed to want to talk to because I never talk back.

I just sat there and wondered, am I the same person? I feel as if I've changed into something that's really not me. I feel like I've forgotten who I was. Heavy things hit us when we're literally not ready. As if my own head wasn't heavy enough, I felt the disappointment that comes with realizing I didn't like who I have become.  

Realizations like that usually take time to really sink in though. It takes time to do something about it; to realize where we went wrong and to think back and try to recall whether I've hurt anybody because who I've become. I guess I forgot how really important it is that everybody take into account how we as individuals, who think, act, and react to things in our own unique way, affect those others who also are individuals who think, act and react differently. Never act with reckless abandon (well, unless you're really an ass then you can do that).

Never allow yourself to feel too proud to apologize. If you do happen to hurt someone, you should apologize, no matter who started it, no matter who was responsible, no matter who is involved, if somebody comes up to you and tells you that you hurt them, then you should apologize. You owe them that much. You should never reconcile the act of apologizing with Justice, because there is no such thing when it comes to causing pain. Justice just tells you who is wrong and who is right, but apologizing means you're human enough to remember how it is to be hurt. I don't know if I'm right, I don't mean to sound condescending but, I really believe that hurting somebody else and being okay with is just one bad day short of you being a psychopath. 

...So God bless those who think of others.

As the jeep made its last turn and I knocked to signal the driver to pull over, I got out a different person. There's always something you can do to better yourself; always something you can change so that you could be a better friend, employee, father, mother, musician, or whatever. There's always something. I looked at the dark expanse of the night sky; wiping off the sweat on my face, and went home. 

10:51PM, Wednesday, June 30, 2010.