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Waking Moments

I woke up and everything felt different. The pillow on my head felt like a cloud; the noise that my fan makes as it sways across the room sounded like a song. The light that subtly crept in the curtains like a child peeking through touched the whitewashed walls of my room in a whole new different light. The taste on my mouth, which when you are a smoker and asleep for the past few hours you'd expect to be bitter, but this time, this was a good taste; I mean it didn't taste good, but it wasn't as bad as other days. I rubbed my eyes with my stubby hands; clearing the formation of dirt that congregated outside my eyelids. 

Yawned. I lit my cigarette.

You ever felt like that? Feelings like this don't come too often for a man like me who has given up on the promise of good waking moments. You know, those moments when you instantly feel as if you were bound by fate to have a great day. I've given up on that since I woke up one morning five years back when I realized, of all the great waking mornings I had, they always end up screwed over. A great kiss leading to an ass pounding. A romantic moment outside the patio of a European style restaurant overlooking the majesty of the city lights as you lean in, leading to a consequent revelation an appropriate number of weeks later that she's the clingy-needy-crazy type we all want to avoid. Or simply put, a great trailer, bad movie. Fucks you in the ass. 

So I've given them no more meaning after that. Some mornings you wake up good, and that does not mean that magic would just flow out to the rest of the day like water. I've learned the hard way; life isn't magical at all. It is, in fact related to magic, however it is what is left of the wonder when the magician tells you how he just fooled you over. I've learned from a very young age that moments of inspiration that makes you strut like a jazz dancer on the opening number of a broadway show is usually a mistake; and you shouldn't put too much bounce to your step, because for all you know, you'd be dancing in front of an empty theater. 

So if ever you wake up with a great smile on your face, keep it on for as long as you should. Doesn't necessarily mean that you shouldn't hope. I'm just saying that I've stopped hoping. I mean what's the difference with forecasting the rest of your day to the rest of your life? The weather is unpredictable for a reason; because things aren't supposed to be planned out. Live it out the way that it should be; moment by moment. I mean, you didn't open this and went ahead to the ending, right? 

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