Always Rainy in Manila

I heard a lot of complaints before about Manila. They are usually stories that go along the lines of: "The traffic is crazy" which is quite realistic, to the eccentric "It's a ZOO", to the sometimes depressing "It's quite lonely there." Believe me, I am always quick to believe in the feedback of other people. My heart was conditioned in such a manner that experiences of other people matter so much to me. And for the longest time, I have accepted all these things to be true: that Metro Manila, despite what good things they say, is a shit-hole of a place to live in. It wasn't until recently, that I discovered this to be, well, misunderstood. Not just by me, but for all my friends who said that it was Always Rainy in Manila.

I come from the provinces of Cagayan de Oro City and Davao City. Those two great cities were my bubble. I thrive living in those cities; I had no problems getting around and getting to know other people. I do not recall a time when I would say that these two cities brought me loneliness. There was always somewhere I could go, someone I could talk to. Something to do to make my day worth my while. It was my comfort zone. Strange enough when I was still in High School, it wasn't uncommon for high-schoolers in Cagayan de Oro City to dream to study in Manila schools. It is a proven fact, that Manila schools are quite good as far as education is concerned, and maybe graduating from a prestigious Manila school will give you props when it comes to job searching. But I was never enamored by that idea. I thought of it a rather lonely thing to dream or to aim for. I saw the benefit that I could get, but I was not at the time ready to pay the price.

 

I got accepted into the best schools in Manila, but I had to let go of my friends, my ministry, my family, my girlfriend, in order to embrace a new beginning shrouded by doubt and the looming fear of the unknown. I wanted to feel comfortable, and I was not ready to conquer the fear. I saw that Manila is a place where people change; and most people who've been there and who have changed, I didn't like the change I saw in them. So I didn't want to be that guy. I didn't want to be the asshole convert Manilenyo who would strut around saying "Tang Ena" with a forced accent. Nope. I didn't want that to be me. 

But then I thought, what about Manila don't I like? What is it about this city that makes me feel this fear? What was it that triggered this fear to be so controlling, and why did I allow this fear to take me over?

I realized that it wasn't Manila.

 

 

It was me. 

 

My reluctance to change. My difficulty with forming new relationships. My fear of encountering past lovers. My resistance towards Manila-brand of tagalog and to the culture. My issues with vulnerability. My need to be in my comfort zone. My need to now where I am all the time...all of these things were my issues. I stopped pointing the blame on the city, and started to focus on ME. Sometimes we forget that the only thing we have control of is how we feel and how we react. Manila will always be Manila, and an asshole will always be an asshole, but me? At least I could change who I am, and how I see things. Life is beautiful in the sense that we can always shift our perceptions and change something that isn't working for us anymore. My perception and belief towards Manila was not working.

 

 

So I changed. 

 

 

Sure the traffic is still there, but I am grateful to it. Because of this, a stranger in the bus gets to sit beside someone like me; someone who has no intentions of stealing, harassing and bullying them in anyway or form. At least with me on their side, they are safe.

The rain still pours like no tomorrow, but I am grateful to it. Because of it my umbrella has helped so many travelers while we were waiting on the bus stop for our busses to arrive. I enjoy my time with them, for who knows when we'll bump into one another again right? And at least with me, they can have a few laughs despite the wet shoes. 

Sure at times I do get lonely, but I am grateful to it. My isolation has taught me the real value behind relationships that we have formed through the years. It taught me to treasure my friends unconditionally, and to make myself available to them whenever and however I possibly can. This taught me to be courageous and open towards other people who just might need a friend like me, and vice-versa.

And yes Manila is a very hard place to live in, but I am grateful to it. Manila has taught me to love my home, and to love wherever I am, but most importantly, Manila has taught me to love despite all the difficulties and challenges we might face. And we will face a whole lot. But I can say now that no matter what Manila, or any other city in the WORLD can throw to me I can stand in my own to feet and not be moved, simply because I LOVE.